Poor old Rick Santorum!
Torum, boys, Torum!
pity Rick Santorum
Torum, boys, Torum

Oh, Santorum no lover
Torum, boys, Torum
of the gays or of lobster
Torum, boys, Torum

He opposed gay marriage
Torum, boys, Torum
Forever would disparage
Torum, boys, Torum

So Dan Savage held a contest
Torum, boys, Torum
To remind him of this fine mess
Torum, boys, Torum

The winner was a beauty
Torum, boys, Torum
Now it’s his google problem, truly
Torum, boys, Torum

Santorum rallied baggers
Torum, boys, Torum
it gave the mirth to the tongue-waggers
Torum, boys, Torum

They demanded google fix it
Torum, boys, Torum
Ya made yer bed now lie in it.
Torum, boys, Torum

Santorum made some campaign ads
Torum, boys, Torum
that really made the pundits gag
Torum, boys, Torum

So he turned on Women’s health care
Torum, boys, Torum
Saying there’s no there there
Torum, boys, Torum

He pissed off all the beauties
Torum, boys, Torum
bet his balls are in a deep freeze
Torum, boys, Torum

Oh, Laugh at Rick Santorum
Torum, boys, Torum
No President he, Santorum
Torum, boys, Torum

Words by Steven Feinstein and Daniel Van Koughnett

Original Lyrics & Melody – Charlie Daniels

A table went down to Georgia, it looking for a case to steal
It was in a bind ‘cos Mahili was bein’ kind to the birthers’ crazy deal
When it came across this woman sayin’ all this dribble, and spewin’ it hot
And the table pulled up to a hickory chair and said “Girl, let me tell you what:
I guess you didn’t know, but I am a legal lawyer too.
And if you care to take a dare, I’ll make a bet with you
Now you spew some pretty good BS, girl, but give this table its due.
I bet a birth certificate against your soul, “cos I think I’m better than you.
The girl said: My name’s Orly and it won’t be a sin
I won’t take your bet, cause I would regret, ‘cos I’m the worst that’s ever been

chorus

Orly, Rozin up yer dental chair,
And do yer Charlie hard
‘Cause Hell breaks loose in Birtherstan
If Orly gits disbarred

And if they win she gets this Kenyan BC made of gold
And if they lose again they’ll just move the goal
Now Malihi made an offer, and Orly had to resist, for if she won by default she’d lose her freaking mind,
and so she said “I’m so prepared a default would waste my time”
The good Judge looked confused, but the Table whispered “Judge, let her talk make do the walk, we’ll quite, quite fine

So Malihi ushered in the “trial”, though a hearing it really was, and Orly rambled on and on till sun was going down.
Finally Judge Malihi asked if she was a-testifying, and with that Orly took the stand  saw the Table knew it had won the Crown,
And Orly thought she had won and crowed and set the Birther World a-buzz

“I WON I WON I WON I WON
USURPER WILL BE OUT OF HOUSE THAT THE (WHITE) PEOPLE OWN
FROG MARCH HIM OUT THE DOOR!
WON’T WAIT FOR MALIHI’S JUDGEMENT THOUGH!!

Now February came, and Malihi’s ruling to, when Orly heard it she was convinced
that he was corrupt through and through
She wailed and wept and screeched and moaned and asked for donations to.

Orly learn about the Law.
Pretty sure you’re gonna get disbarred.
The BC is very real.
The Table will forever stick in your craw.

Tanz! Tanz! Recite before us extempore!
Let thy words roll across the page like
Like a train across the plains.
Let not thy juvenile rhymes be cause for
concern,
For poets know that it is the WORD not the
rhyme that terror doth strike
into the heart of the rhyme and reasonless.

Tanz! Tanz! Recite before us extempore!
Show us thy American Wit, that every so
patiently thy Mother with needles did
knit as though it were a blanket upon thy Mind
draped and tucked to hide the wrinkles and so
much more

via Orly’s World (At long last, have you no sense of decency?).

No, YOU grab your ankles!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING will be making the festival circuit in 2012.